tomorrow is mother’s day. i have mixed feelings about mother’s day, because while i want to celebrate my mother as much as i can, i have such a hard time finding ways to celebrate her. flowers are out, she’s fastidious about what she eats so chocolate is mostly out, and most of the cards i find in the store are just too cheesy or flowery to really convey what i’m thinking about.
i’ve been reading dorothy sayers still, slowly digesting each chapter, rereading as i need to truly understand. that’s something my mother taught me, but that’s beside the point. i’ve been rereading a chapter titled “creed or chaos,” a reflection on the creeds of the church, and what it means to embrace christian doctrine. as i read sayers’ words, i see my mother’s actions, her movements spread throughout my life.
if you read my mother’s and sister’s blog – mimisjourneyofhope.wordpress.com, you will see doctrine in action. it is one thing to tell your children that they can have it all. that if they want to go to college, they can; if they want to be successful business owners, they can; if they want to stay home with their children, they can; anything they want, they can have. it is another to show your children that they can truly have nothing but Christ. that the glittering accomplishments the world holds up as trophies to womanhood, to personhood are nothing but dust and ash. that all the things we cling to as proof of our worth are nothing in light of the gospel.
and scripture is clear on what it means to embrace Christ – Romans 8:15 begins by making it very plain:
“15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again;rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,[g] Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spiritthat we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”
by embracing Christianity, and all the creeds and doctrines and beliefs, we embrace both suffering and glory. and there is no guarantee of earthly glory. at all. in fact, over and over, we are told – what comes is more valuable than what we possess here. what we have here is ash, and when we receive the reward for our lives at the other side of this existence, then we will receive our true reward. that which glitters here is not gold there.
and this is something my mother taught me. lived it out, load of laundry after load of laundry. dinners on the table, prayers prayed for my broken heart, nights spent in solitude. that often, the sacrifices we are called to make are the little ones. the little moments of laying herself down, her wants, her desires, even her needs. and it doesn’t stop. she’s been laying down her life for us my entire life, and she is now, even still, laying her life down in a hospital room at my sister’s side.
she taught me that this life is worth nothing, only worth living if we can take every moment we are given and shine the light of Heaven on it. that the only things that are worth keeping and embracing are the things with eternal value. and that not only is it hard, it is a struggle, pushing aside the flesh, setting aside our desires. she embodies what i read this week in “creed and chaos”:
[christianity] is fiercely and even harshly realistic… that there are certain eternal achievements that make even happiness look like trash.
her joy in life has been pointing us towards the cross. both pointing us to Christ’s suffering, and pointing to the glory to come if we can embrace it. she’s not been suffering in silence, putting on an aggrieved face, and doing what needs to be done begrudgingly. she’s been embracing the suffering of this world, the hard, the painful, the unwanted, and doing it with joy.
and just so you don’t think i have a completely unrealistic view of my mother, i know there have been many many times she has not wanted to do what she has been asked. disobeyed, turned away, begged not to do what lay before her. she’s overreacted, missed God’s leading, spoken from hurt, made the wrong decisions. she’s been angry and sinned, and yet. and yet.
in spite of all of those things, what filtered through was this. in order to embrace Heaven, we must embrace Jesus. not just the victorious, triumphing over all the world resurrected Messiah, but the one who begged His father in the garden, as recorded in Mark 14:
“35 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36 “Abba,[f] Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
i can think of little else of more value than this, than what she taught me, and teaches me still: everything is possible, but what we are promised is suffering. and after these pains fall away, we are promised Heaven.