so it’s been a weird week around here. so busy, so full of stuff to do, but not a whole lot got done. sure, we had doctor’s appointments, and church potlucks, and homeschooling, and taxes and dishes and first soccer practices, and baking, but it feels like we didn’t do much. maybe we did, and i’m not giving myself enough credit.
but spencer has a permanent back injury (discovered thanks to our doctor’s appointments) and we’re trying to figure out what all of that means for us. we certainly don’t want him losing all mobility at 35, and it’s already started happening to him. meh. it’s a mess, but it will get figured.
on the more exciting front, zoë joined a soccer team here. we’ve got our first game on saturday morning, and she is so excited. we’re getting cleats tomorrow, and she’s already ready to get muddy and kick the ball. i’ve posted a pic or two on instagram of her at practice last week… you know, in case you want to see transcendent excitement on the face of a 6 year old. we’ll have more pics of practice, and all that – i have lots to edit still. uuuugggggh. the editing never stops, and i am so terribly slow at it. one day, one day.
we also got to hang out with amanda, and i got to snuggle the squishiest, sweetest, cuddliest newborn ever. okay, maybe not ever. zoë was all of those things too. but it’s nice to hang out with a new baby, and do it during daylight hours without the feeding and changing and all that. it makes me wish zoë wasn’t an only, as she was the sweetest kid to persephone. but given how difficult it was for me to get pregnant, and the life circumstances we’re dealing with right now, she might be it for us. i’m trying to be okay with that, but i have days/weeks/months where i wish it wasn’t that way. prozac is helping that too. ha.
we busted out scones a couple of times last week, and i think i will do it again tonight – this time i’ll post a recipe because they are goooooood. so good. i mean, yes, there is lots of butter and cream and flour, but they’re so worth it. at least that’s what i tell myself. in the meantime, i will continue to bake things and not take pictures, like the pastel de tres leches from the tartine bakery cookbook. 4 hours of baking and prep later, i had the most delicious coconut infused tres leches cake ever. EVER. of course i didn’t take pictures, because it was like 1 in the morning, and i was trying to be as quiet as possible so i didn’t wake up the whole house whipping cream.
actually, speaking of whipping cream, i’ve had two very unexpected moments of singular happiness this week too. that night, while i was whipping cream to fold into the pastry cream filling, i went outside onto the back porch – the whisk was clattering frightfully in the bowl, and i was concerned about the noise. the night was cool, but not cold, and an almost full moon was out overhead. when i walked down the porch stairs to stand in the yard, hoping to see the stars, the moon was hidden behind a cloud. suddenly, the milky way bloomed to life overhead and there was a small breeze blowing through my hair. i can’t explain the moment without sounding incredibly cliché, but it was inexplicably joyful and nothing like i’ve experienced in a while. i was alive, and present in a way i’ve not been in years.
it continued into yesterday – it was gray and breezy, with bright dots of daffodils growing by the roadside on the way home from the grocery store. i was by myself, so i decided to stop and pick a bunch of them. cars kept whizzing by me on the road, but i was in this glorious valley, cutting an armload of daffodils. it was another “present” moment, full of grace and gratitude. i was so happy to just be. be picking flowers on a windy spring day, be looking at the stars on a cool night, be alive.
and that was unexpected. not unwelcome, and certainly not unhoped for, but unexpected. i didn’t think i would find simple joy like i used to. i used to be the kid who could marvel at a dandelion, or crayfish in a creek, or the light shining through the woods in my backyard. but not as an adult. and certainly not as a mom, or a wife. so yeah. weird week. full of simple things, full of complex feelings, full of joy.
tonight, we’re watching the lord of the rings, drinking rootbeer floats, eating popcorn and having a family night. exactly what this overcast and cold day needed. i should have more pictures soon. hang in there.