God bless us, every one.

christmas makeup

So here we are, the other side of another set of lovely holidays. while i’m still working on an update post (which at this point, probably needs to be a series) i figured everyone wanted to see pictures of the sweet little girl. so, if you click the pic above, it will take you to the december photostream. there’s over a hundred pictures in the december photoset, so browse to your heart’s content.

she had a wonderful christmas season, with parties, programs and productions, and a very fun 12 days of christmas that started the day after thanksgiving – ramping up the holiday fervor pretty quick. we had an amazing december, which i will go into more detail in the update series (i actually have blogging time these days, and i’ll make sure to use it.) zoë got some awesome christmas presents, ranging from snuggly robes that she nearly threw a hissy fit to stay in while going outside, a hello kitty hat that has left her head twice today, massive angry birds coloring sheets (she was so excited she grimaced in her pictures), a singing moose that has not yet stopped singing, and so many educational leapster games and clothes. this kid was overwhelmed with all the excitement today, getting to play scrabble into the wee hours of 9pm, eating scotch eggs and eggnog monkey bread, and being surrounded by family.

what is interesting to me, since we are in the process of moving from athens to dahlonega and are using spencer’s gracious parents as a waypoint between homes, is that while this christmas was not anything like the ones of my childhood, it was wonderful. and i’m finally seeing it. that everything doesn’t have to be perfect to be right, a lesson i am slowly learning. i am trying to give myself more grace, and in turn, give more grace to everyone around me. zoë won’t remember that we didn’t go crazy with the food, or buy her super super expensive presents (although she got some fantastic presents from the rest of her family), or that we weren’t living in a perfect mountain cottage with views of north carolina. what i think she’ll remember, or at least i hope she will, is that she was surrounded in love and laughter today. that she and her grandpa argued about the existence of santa claus for 4 days (she’s insistent he’s not real). that she got the makeup she was begging for, and that someone loved her enough to send her hello kitty press-on nails. that she got to stay up and watch christmas movies with us on december 24th. that mom and dad snuggled on the floor to watch those movies with her, and that we shot arrows at the wall outside for one of the cats to attack it as soon as it touched the ground. that i didn’t have to make 14 different appetizers and 5 desserts for the food to be great. that maybe we don’t have our own home right now, but she’s so loved and welcome in this one it doesn’t matter.

that is a very long way to say, i am learning to relax my grip on my life a little. the fear that seemed to be a running mate to the depression, the fear of not being perfect, of not getting it right, of failing, of falling is finally gone. i still have my moments, but it’s a minor 30 second firstborn perfectionist moment. nothing of the 10 years of being convinced i had let everyone around me down, that i could do nothing but fail so why even try? what a relief it is to see my life, and embrace it as such. it is mine, and right now, it is enough. i’ll save the self reflection for new years.

thank you, dear family and friends, for being with us this holiday. maybe we didn’t see your smiling faces, but we felt your arms across the miles – in bags of coffee, snuggly robes, archery sets, and the perseverance not to give up on this broken girl. God bless you, everyone.

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